I've been absent for a while. The pain has just been so overwhelming. It seems that it has taken over every facet of my life now. and that really pisses me off. I feel sometimes like I've lost out on a lot and everyday there seems to be something else to add to that list.
I realized a few days ago, how badly I want to paint again. But I cant because my right arm is now effected and I have very little, if any use of it most days.
What am I learning through all of this?
1. I need to allow myself to feel like crap. I find myself fighting it, almost like if I give in, then the disease wins. But it is to my own detriment. I end up in even more pain. Finding that I have over done it, not taken the extra pain medication, etc. So when I feel like crap, I ice, I heat, I medicate and I STOP doing for everyone and LAY down!
2. The people that really love you… reveal themselves in times like these. Even when its just understanding why you can do something in once could, or letting you know they are thinking about you. I've found some of my truest friends recently.
3. My children are going fast. And not just in size/age. Lots of changes with all of them. In one child I found maturity I never thought Id see. I hold them close as often as I can these days, and more and more am reminded that I am a great parent. They ALWAYS that they come first in my life above all else and ALWAYS know they are loved.
4. Money means nothing.
5. Things that I have been afraid of all my life suddenly seem silly. I watched my first scary movie! I now kill spiders. And I don't care what other people think about how I look. I love me. All of me.
Peace and light everyone…
